The 25 Worst Films I've Ever Seen

Sure I spend a lot of time watching Oscar contenders and high quality films, but you can't watch over 4,200 movies and not see some real hot garbage along the way. Heck, sometimes I'll even intentionally subject myself to onscreen torture. All of these films earned a 0 rating from me. Here's the worst of the worst.

25.) Alien from L.A. (1988)
Director: Albert Pyun
IMDB Rating: 2.9
Starring: Kathy Ireland

First off, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model Kathy Ireland, plays a "plain" looking nerdy girl (i.e. they put glasses on her) who is looking for her lost archaeologist father in a subterranean world. Director Albert Pyun is no stranger to bad film making (see the 1990's Captain America) and this certainly  won't be his last appearance on this list. This is one bad 80's B-film.

24.) Going Overboard (1989)
Director: Valerie Breiman
IMDB: 1.8
Starring: Adam Sandler, Burt Young, Billy Bob Thornton, Billy Zane, Peter Berg

A lot of familiar faces in very early roles (Sandler's first movie) as well as the Oscar nominated Burt Young, who collects his check as General Noriega. Everything people hate about Sandler is amplified by 100 and Billy Zane randomly shows up as King Neptune. The story is about Sandler trying to become a cruise ship comedian to get girls, but Panamanian terrorists take over, because Panama was who was beefing with the U.S. at the time.

23.) The Obama Effect (2012)
Director: Charles S. Dutton
IMDB: 1.8
Starring: Charles S. Dutton, Katt Williams

A guy gets really obsessed with Obama and he has family members that are Republicans and his son turns Republican because he neglects him because of his obsession with Obama. Meanwhile there's a shady boxing promoter and a health scare. This movie is all over the place and whether you like the 44th President or not, it's tough to sit through.

22.) ThanksKilling (2009)
Director: Jordan Downey
IMDB: 4.2
Starring: A hand puppet murdering turkey

Shot in Ohio, this "horror" film certainly delivers on its promise of "BOOBS in the first second." This very low budget film is a painful 70 minute exercise in suspension of disbelief. Like I'm supposed to believe a girl wouldn't recognize that her dad's face is now on a hand puppet turkey. I'm all for the absurd, but this was too much and it's sequel was worse.

21.) Bottoms Up (2006)
Director: Erik MacArthur
IMDB: 2.2
Starring: Jason Mewes, Paris Hilton, David Keith, Kevin Smith

A midwestern bartender, played by Mewes, moves to L.A. and finds love with Paris Hilton. Their chemistry and acting are sub par to say the least.

20.) Red Zone Cuba (1966)
Director: Coleman Francis
IMDB: 2.6
Starring: Coleman Francis, John Carradine

Always great fodder for Mystery Science Theater 3000, Coleman Francis delivers this confusing and pointless adventure about prison escapes, invading Cuba, escaping Cuba, and then committing crimes. He brings an aging John Carradine along for the ride.

19.) Zombie Nightmare (1987)
Director: Jack Bravman
IMDB: 2.5
Starring: Adam West, Tia Carrere

Look, I like the choice to include Motorhead's "Ace of Spades" to kick off a movie, but it's really downhill from there. Adam West plays a police officer who must help stop a zombie teenager that is seeking revenge on the people who murdered him. West is just here for the money.

18.) Saving Christmas (2014)
Director: Darren Doane
IMDB: 1.4
Starring: Kirk Cameron

Look, if you are going to include your family and friends as actors for your movie, couldn't you get the sister who works on Full House? Instead Cameron tries to convince the director, Doane, who plays his brother-in-law, that Christmas is more than just buying presents. Horrible acting, an awful dance sequence, and a 79 minute runtime can't help this film.

17.) George of the Jungle 2 (2003)
Director: David Grossman
IMDB: 3.3
Starring: Julie Benz, Angus T. Jones, John Cleese, Thomas Haden Church, Michael Clarke Duncan

This is what happens when you let other people pick what movies you get from Netflix back when they only sent DVDs. An unnecessary sequel that drags down the voice acting talents of Church, Duncan, and especially Cleese. Even Brendan Fraser wasn't desperate enough for this.

16.) Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust (2008)
Director: Silvia St. Croix
IMDB: 4.1
Starring: A murdering gingerbread cookie

So offensive on many levels, Gingerdead Man 2 picks up shortly after the first movie, but this time even Gary Busey has jumped off this trainwreck. There's actually a scene where they crucify the cookie, complete with the crown of thorns. It's such an obvious attempt at trying to get people mad about its blasphemous act that it forgets that it was already an unholy abomination well before we get to this point.

15.) Thankskilling 3 (2012)
Director: Jordan Downey
IMDB: 3.0
Starring: That same turkey, a weird puppet, a weirder disturbing rapping grandma

Wow, Thankskilling 2 must not have been that bad if it's not on this list right? Well that's because there is no Thankskilling 2 as the whole plot is for the turkey to recover the last copy and destroy it. There's a bunch of gross out stuff and of course as promised "BOOBS in the first second".

14.) Zombie Ass: The Toilet of the Dead (2011)
Director: Noboru Iguchi
IMDB: 4.7
Starring: Poop

A girl goes off into the woods after her sister commits suicide and one her friends eats a parasite inside a fish, with the hope that she can stay skinny. She then gets massive diarrhea and the poo covered parasites bring back the dead somehow? It's gross, nonsensical and likely Japan's answer to The Human Centipede.

13.) Zombie Nation (2004)
Director: Ulli Lommel
IMDB: 2.0
Starring : Ripoff lines from other movies

A police officer who murders the women he arrests finds trouble when they come back from the dead. The line in question is a torture scene which our horribly acted character asks "Is it safe?", this being a reference to The Marathon Man when Sir Laurence Olivier asks Dustin Hoffman the same question.

12.) Demons at the Door (2004)
Director: Roy Knyrim
IMDB: 3.2
Starring: The music of ICP

Complete with a god awful soundtrack, Demons at the Door is a must if you enjoy bad CGI, beefcake angels, and pug in the role of the devil. It has the same quality as a transition video in a 90's PC game.

11.) Alien Vs Hunter (2007)
Director: Scott Harper
IMDB: 1.5
Starring: William Katt, Dedee Pfeiffer

Want to see Michelle Pfeiffer's sister star in a low budget rip-off of Alien vs Predator? Make sure watch until the end so you can see the big twist ending. That way you can get the right amount of WHAT?!?! out of your system.

10.) Hood Angels (2003)
Director: Paul Wynne
IMDB: 2.9
Starring: Juvenile

Three girls go undercover at a record label to solve the murder of a rapper, played by Juvenile. They use their martial arts skills to get to the bottom of things, but wait because just like AVH, there's a big twist. Also, the record company just looks like an abandoned mall that they were allowed to shoot in.

9.) Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
Director: Harold P. Warren
IMDB: 1.9
Starring: Shame

A family makes a horrible choice and it forces the viewer to indulge in whatever notion Harold P. Warren had for a story. They meet a cult figure by the name The Master who uses hypnotic power to get what he wants, which apparently a whole bunch of wives. He also has a sweet black robe with red hands on it. Hands of fate. The End?

8.) Die Hard Dracula (1998)
Director: Peter Horak
IMDB: 1.9
Starring: Bram Stoker rolling in his grave

An modern telling of Dracula, a guy is sad because his girlfriend dies, so he goes to Europe. Then he sees a girl that looks like his dead girlfriend. Here's a scene:
Steve: You look familiar
Girl: Like your dead girlfriend?
Steve: Only when you smile, but I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else.

Shoot that's from Rent, nevermind. Anyway Steven and Dr. Van Helsing encounter a Dracula who can shoot fireballs and go full Emperor Palpatine with his electric fingers, just without John Williams' score.

7.) Haunted Boat (2005)
Director: Olga Levens
IMDB: 2.2
Starring: Isis (a black cat)

Six teenagers go on a boat and get lost in an alternate dimension where they must face their biggest fears. I remember struggling to not turn this off, as I have a code where I cannot, no matter how bad, stop watching a movie once I've invested 10 minutes or more.

6.) The Human Centipede 2 (2011)
Director: Tom Six
IMDB: 3.8
Starring: A lot of people without dignity

A creeper watches the movie Human Centipede and dreams of doing it better. So he gets more than three people. When I told my mom the plot to these films, she nearly threw up. But it only gets worse.

5.) The Human Centipede 3 (2015)
Director: Tom Six
IMDB: 2.7
Starring: Eric Roberts, Tiny Lister, Robert LaSardo, Bree Olson

A bigger budget, shot in color, and bigger stakes, Human Centipede 3 ups everything to a 1000 and this time has an entire prison sewn face to rear. Somehow semi-credible actors and one porn star decided they would like to take part in this. Although in Bree Olson's defense this experience can't be worse than dating Charlie Sheen or growing up in Northeast Indiana.

4.) Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
Director: James Nguyen
IMDB: 1.8
Starring: Floating birds

Mutated birds attack a California town. Its The Birds, but about taking care of the environment, and somehow worse graphics than 1963. Just check out this classic scene. Also don't let the birds poop on you, because you might die.

3.) Son of the Mask (2005)

Director: Lawrence Gutterman

IMDB: 2.2

Starring: Alan Cumming, Jamie Kennedy, Steven Wright, Kal Penn, Ben Stein

Think about the least funny parts from the Jim Carrey film and recycle them. Add even more toilet humor and replace Carrey's likeability with Jamie Kennedy. Unlike other movies on this list, this has no excuse because these aren't first time filmmakers with low budgets and the actors have been and continue to be in movies. Of course Lawrence Gutterman's only other directed film is Cats and Dogs, which is somehow better.

2.) Baby Geniuses (1999)

Director: Bob Clark

IMDB: 2.6

Starring: Kathleen Turner, Christopher Lloyd, Peter MacNicol, Dom DeLuise, Ruby Dee, Kim Cattrall

Among things that I hate in movies are babies doing adult things and talking. Do you remember those E-Trade baby commercials, the bring an irrational rage that washes over me. While some will know Bob Clark as the director of A Christmas Story, he also directed the first two movies in this god awful franchise. I know theses are intended for kids, but there are plenty of great kids movies, even subpar kids movies, but this is a manifestation of all those poop movies combined.

1.) Urban Menace (1999)

Director: Albert Pyun

IMDB: 1.9

Starring: Snoop Dogg, Ice-T, Fat Joe, Big Pun, Romany Malco

This is only 72 minutes and it is just bad. It's like if all the bad rap album cover art from the late 90's and early 2000's came to life. I'm not sure what the legendary Pyun shot this film on, but it's hard to see and of course with this many rappers, poorly acted. As far as the movie itself, the content is probably only about an hour with the other 12 minutes dedicated to essentially music videos.